Understanding Anxiety: The Power of Facing Your Fears

Anxiety is a natural response to perceived danger, deeply rooted in our biology through the “fight or flight” mechanism. This instinct evolved to protect us in moments of real physical threat. For example, when our ancestors faced a wild animal, their bodies prepared them to either run or to fight. This response remains hardwired in us.

Today, our anxieties are often triggered by situations that aren’t life-threatening - but our bodies still react as if they are. Public speaking, flying, or even leaving the house can trigger that same fight or flight reaction. And what do we naturally do when something feels threatening? We avoid it.

The Temptation of Avoidance: A Quick Fix with Long-Term Costs

Avoiding what makes us anxious feels like a huge relief at the time. After all, if you’re terrified of speaking in front of a crowd, it’s very tempting to say, “I’ll pass.” Or, if the thought of flying sends your heart racing, staying grounded feels like the safer option. The problem is that avoidance often creates more problems in the long run, limiting our lives in ways that can be hard to undo.

For example, take someone with agoraphobia, the fear of leaving the house. Each time they avoid stepping outside, they miss opportunities to see friends, go to work, or simply enjoy life. The more they avoid it, the stronger their fear grows - and their world becomes smaller. Over time, isolation and loneliness set in.

Or consider someone with a fear of flying. At first, avoiding flights might seem manageable—maybe they don’t need to travel much. But what happens when they miss out on family holidays, special events, or work opportunities that require travel? A single fear begins to ripple through their life, holding them back from seeing and experiencing the world.

Other examples could be a student afraid of failure who avoids taking important exams, missing out on career opportunities. Or a person with social anxiety who avoids meeting new people, missing the chance to build meaningful relationships.

Avoidance offers short-term comfort but ultimately strengthens anxiety. The more we avoid, the more we tell our brain that the thing we’re afraid of is actually dangerous. But there’s another way: a gradual process of facing those fears, step by step.

The Boiling Frog Analogy: How Gradual Exposure Works

Much as this is a horrible analogy, particularly if you’re the frog, it’s a commonly used one and really helps us to understand exposure therapy. So, picture this: if you drop a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will immediately leap out. The heat is too intense, and the frog’s instincts kick in. But if you place the frog in lukewarm water and slowly turn up the heat, it adjusts, staying put as the temperature rises.

This story is often used to explain how gradual change can go unnoticed. But it’s also a powerful analogy for exposure therapy—one of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety. The idea behind exposure therapy is to gradually face the things that trigger your anxiety in small, manageable steps. Just like the frog acclimatises to the increasing temperature, we can habituate to our fears if we expose ourselves to them slowly over time.

For example, if someone has a fear of heights, the goal isn’t to jump out of a plane—this may be too overwhelming, like throwing the frog straight into boiling water. Instead, they might start by standing on a low step. Once that feels comfortable, they might move to a higher step, then stand on a balcony, and eventually work up to getting in a lift and going to the top floor of a building, such as The Shard. Each step builds confidence and reduces fear. It may take a while before you manage to go up the Scott Monument. In fact, you may never go up it if you don’t want to. It’s all about determining the goals we want to achieve, and taking small steps to get us there, without our anxiety preventing us from doing so.

Gradual exposure is the opposite of “flooding,” which is when someone is immediately exposed to their biggest fear. Flooding can sometimes work, but it’s often too intense and may reinforce the fear rather than reduce it. Exposure, on the other hand, is about creating manageable experiences that allow you to learn: “I can handle this.”

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Taking Action Despite Anxiety

In her groundbreaking book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers explores the importance of facing your fears head-on. Jeffers’ central message is that fear itself isn’t the problem—it’s how we respond to it. She argues that everyone experiences fear, but the key to overcoming it is not avoidance; it’s action.

Her philosophy is that fear will always be present when we step out of our comfort zone - but it doesn’t have to control us. The more we take action despite the fear, the more we prove to ourselves that we are capable of handling whatever comes our way. Anxiety tells us, “You can’t cope,” but through action, we show ourselves that we can.

This idea connects closely to the process of exposure. By gradually facing our fears and taking action, even when we feel anxious, we teach our brains that the situation isn’t as dangerous as it seems. Over time, this reduces anxiety. It’s not about eliminating fear entirely—it’s about learning to live with it, understanding that fear is a natural part of growth.

For example, someone who is terrified of public speaking might always feel some level of anxiety when stepping on stage. But by taking small steps—speaking in front of a small group, practicing in front of a mirror, giving a presentation to trusted friends—they build the skills and confidence needed to cope. The fear may not disappear entirely, but it no longer stands in the way of action.

The Importance of Taking Action

The combination of gradual exposure and Jeffers’ principle of “feeling the fear and doing it anyway” is a powerful strategy for overcoming anxiety. Anxiety often convinces us that the worst-case scenario is inevitable, but by taking action despite our fear, we slowly dismantle this belief.

If we wait for fear to go away before taking action, we’ll wait forever. The secret is to move forward with fear, one step at a time. Each small victory builds momentum, showing us that we are stronger and more resilient than we realise.

So, whether it’s the fear of flying, public speaking, or leaving the house, remember that avoidance only strengthens anxiety. Gradual exposure—like turning up the heat on the frog—helps you build resilience and confidence. And as Susan Jeffers wisely said, feeling the fear and doing it anyway is often the key to unlocking a fuller, more empowered life.

By taking action, no matter how small, you teach yourself that you can cope. And once you realise you can handle your fears, your anxiety will begin to lose its grip on you.