The Specialness of Being Ordinary

The monster of compare and despair

Most of us will recognise the cycle of compare and despair: our tendency to compare ourselves negatively to others. The way we look, what we’ve achieved in life, our goals, the holidays we take, our ability to speak in public, to run at speed, to dance, to sing - really almost anything.  We look at life through the lens of judgment, idolising the accomplishments of others we know - or even those we have simply heard of and don’t really know. We judge ourselves against them, without really knowing much about their lives at all. Always envying those who seem to live lives filled with events apparently far more exciting than those in our own lives.

Our special moments in life are usually very ordinary

Unfortunately, in the rush to chase after what is exceptional, we forget that most special things are, in fact, also very ordinary. When we really think about it, some of the most important things to us – finding a partner, watching a child take their first step, or starting a new job are, in reality, things that occur every single day around the world. Ordinary things that can make us feel good are common – summer days sitting in a park, a beautiful sunset, eating ice-cream, walking along a beach.

The paradox of the ordinary being special highlights the reality that what makes life meaningful is not how unusual an event is, but how much it matters to us. Many of our experiences happen to countless people every day—but that doesn’t lessen their value. Instead, it is the impact on our emotions of these events and their meaningfulness to us that makes them so special. It is because of this that the ordinary becomes extraordinary - because it is our experience - and it really matters to us.

Special people are ordinary and ordinary people are special

We can often think that others are more important, successful or stand out more in the crowd than we do. But again, who we are is not really determined by what we look like, our wealth, or by what we have achieved at any one point in time. A medal, an award, an expensive car or house - external markers of success - may result in temporary admiration, but they are not what matter most about a person.

It wasn’t the fact that Kevin Sinfield ran a marathon, or how fast he did it. It was that he did it to help raise money for MND and that he carried his best friend and fellow rugby player, Rob Burrows, over the finish line of that marathon that people will remember.  Genuinely, the worth of a person lies in their personality. Think of your closest friends – is the relationship based on their earning power, clothes choice, or how they look? Or are they your closest friends because of their personality? Kindness, compassion, trustworthiness, patience  and supportiveness are common qualities – they are also what matter most and what makes a person special to us.

One piece of a jigsaw puzzle

No one person is more important than another. We are all, at our core, just a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, interconnected and interdependent on others. We can’t run a hospital without administration, nursing, cleaning, portering, doctors, chefs and a host of others: without one cog, the clock won’t work. Even within our roles, it’s often the simple behaviours - being supportive when a colleague makes a mistake – that impacts most. Our greatest contribution to any team often comes from every day supportive behaviours and the ethos that grows from this, rather than moments of brilliance.

Ultimately, the qualities that matter most—kindness, empathy, and integrity—are both ordinary and special. They do not require exceptional talents or status to express. Yet, they can have a huge impact on others.

Not everything that matters can be counted

As the saying goes, “Not everything that can be counted matters, and not everything that matters can be counted.” In a world obsessed with success, achievement and social media, we need to keep in mind that the things that truly make us happy are often very simple and ordinary everyday things: a sunny day, coffee with a friend, watching the clouds in the sky, or seeing the autumn leaves fall. It’s often the most ordinary of moments that are special.

Seeing the special in the ordinary allows us to stop the compare and despair cycle and focus us in on seeing what is special in our own lives.