Self-esteem and self-acceptance

Self-esteem and self-acceptance, as much as they can seem elusive at times, are easiest seen when moulded into one. When we accept who we are, contentment grows and our self-esteem will naturally emerge. We’re all just different pieces of a jigsaw: fitting in naturally to the most comfortable place we can be, if we can only find where that it for us.

Think of animals in a zoo: we all differ, mixing better with some than with others. We might think that, if we’re a zebra, then others will think we’re pretty dull - not as loud as the lions or as colourful as the flamingos. We can’t swim like the crocodiles. We’re monochrome, rather than colourful. We are seen by some as prey, whilst never being predators - unless of course, you’re a plant! We can try to fit in with the cool cats and make friends with the stripey ones, trying to be like them. But tigers don’t think as we do and will likely eat us alive - and the other zebras will be scared of us too.

Parrots with their striking colours might captivate us - but they fly too far into the trees, leaving us feeling lonely and isolated. Similarly, the seals are fun - until they jump into the water, leaving us stranded on the shore, unable to join in. It’s not anyone’s fault: we’re simply all designed differently.

The thing that sets us free from self-doubt and self-criticism is that acceptance. We’ll always belong somewhere - and we’ll always have our strengths. So, if I’m a zebra, I can sprint at 65mph in a "motion dazzle" zigzag to outsmart and get away from the tiger, if I haven’t already used my brilliant hearing and eyesight to avoid them. I also have the superpower of my foghorn bray to warn my friends about the furry fiend in our midst!

I can want to be a tiger (though who knows why when I think about it?) - but I won’t fit in. And if I’m honest with myself, I don’t really want to be a tiger: I’ll never fit my hooves into their claws, so I’ll never be likely to feel happy in my own shoes or comfortable in my own skin.

Instead, it’s much better to be happy being a zebra, just as I am. When I really think about it, I don’t really want to be any other animal after all. With that self-acceptance comes true appreciation for who we really are and genuine self-esteem. We’re no better or worse, just more different to some and more similar to others.

In the words of Dr Zeuss, “I’ve got a brain in my head and feet in my shoes, and I can go in any direction I choose”. I just need to focus on who I really am, be content as I am and forge the path that’s the right one for me.

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The Self-Criticism Myth (written by Dylan Keith)

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Schema Therapy